Bag Of Embarrassment!!!!!!!!

SOOOO.. EMBARRASSING

Right, was rushing around before flying back for one of my Christmas visits to Belfast... and can i just add a little disclaimer here... i am not a skank, spide, dirty bitch or any other descriptive word along them lines that will prob jump into your head while reading this story... I'm a normal girl that strange unfortunate things happen to, it has been written in the stars when i was born it seems that whatever can go wrong will and usually to the amusement of all my mates... in fact some have even informed me that the only reason they are friends with me is because i entertain them with my dysfunctional management of my life and make them feel better bout theirs

anyway.. this is one massive tangent from the story in hand... read on....

as i said before was rushing around packing stuff for a trip back to Belfast, i was doing a check round the room and i remembered something that was leaving me with a problem.... see thing is i have a lot of friends who smoke and wouldn't be a stranger to one myself, it is completely illegal to smoke in my flat and we can't smoke in the front yard without making sure we take the butts away with us. these (which i believe) are anally retarded rules started the creation of the mug ashtray,,, now this is where it gets disgusting, it was a mug with a little dribble of tea in the bottom that we used as an ashtray for bout a month and just kept putting the mug and its content into a sealable plastic freezer bag thing so no smell could get out of or if it fell over no liquid either and hid it random places both outside and inside depending on where it was needed...

my dilemma now was what do i do with it, the answer seems very obvious i know but here was what i was up against.. i could have threw the contents in the bin and washed the cup... well no cos my flatmate/landlady goes through the bin to sort out what needs recycled so she would have found the butts etc,, plus i had already claimed no knowledge of the missing cup which a large investigation went into when discovered missing weeks beforehand, and for it to show up just after i had left for Christmas would have been a bit suss dont you think, also i had chipped it and that would never would have went unnoticed.. i'm telling you anal aint even strong enough... anywho washing it and completely binning it was not an option... the only bin that she wouldn't riffle through was a public one but the closest one was a 5 min walk away and i was running late.. so while still weighing up possibilities, the taxi dooted outside so had to run and decided that the smartest thing to do would be to put it in my hand luggage untill i got to the airport then throw it in one of them big bins outside the main door.. great plan heh... well would have been if i had actually remembered about it...

so yes you have guessed it i paraded up to security with so much confidence, took my coat off an all and plopped it and my bag on the x-ray belt, never even beeped in the metal detector thing, was actually wondering what i was going to do with all my time as the airport transition was goin so smoothly... well... heard this big voice bellow "who's is this bag" i said mine and it all dawned on me what the problem was as they were passing the bag through the x-ray machine again and again.. i could see over the womans shoulder and not a bit of wonder they were confused cos it looked on the screen like something or someone had been sick in my bag as by this stage the mug had fallen over inside the sealed bag and the faggy watery residue was floating around inside it... i was preparing myself for the embarrassing saga that was about to follow as the security man lifted my bag opened it and was holding the bag of shame up to the light, all the explanations were flying through my head but none good enough to make me sound normal... i even contemplated making a run for it but then where too?... anyway he then opened the bag and said what's all this about.. as i was spilling rapidly out the truth of the whole thing as thought you can never go wrong with the truth he interrupted me by roaring all over the busy area.. " eugh fuck, jim come and smell this".. so my explanation was cast to the wayside as a heavy over weight security guard came over and sniffed the bag, pretended to pass out and then look at me in disgust.. they then said nothing as they sealed it again with screwed up non amused faces and were putting it back in my bag... trying to save any dignity i had left i said no " i don't need it back i meant to throw it in the bin before i got here" to which he looked at me and said "no your quite alright you can have it back we dont want it"

i quickly walked as quickly as i could from the security area and threw the bag of embarrassment in the bin round the corner, spent the rest of the time hiding out in the perfume shop afraid i would bump into anyone that was around the x-ray machine at my gut wrenching fags in bag discovery time (as quite a decent audience did gather) anyhoo, prob have given security something to talk about for a while and i just pray its different staff on security on my way through next time... Man.. why me??

Very Sorry!

Right ok... I know i haven't been keeping my blogging up to date recently but i do have an excuse, well many actually..

1. my life has been hectic recently
2. even tho it's been hectic it's also been pretty uneventful as far as releasing and earth shattering news on the blog is concerned
3. I'm a lazy lump and the thought recently of having to do any more than click the mouse on a solitaire game exhausted me
4. i did believe it or not take the notion one day last week to update u all but some joker over lunch found it hilarious to change my keyboard from English letters to something resembling Chinese (didn't even know u could do that) so I'm afraid for the rest of the day my thought process was moved to the mission of what can i do to get him back..

So to all 5 of my faithful readers I'm sincerely sorry and will never do it again, I've lots to complain about and confess to from the last few weeks so watch this blog... now you can all rest easy as I'm back and typing.. yeehaa!!