Friday, 9 February 2007
Sat night in belfato
Sat.. well wasn't up to much as you'd imagine till bout 4 oclock.. just sat and watched movies at daves.. Borat, seriously you gotta see that film its hilarious, and the castle equally as funny if not more so, i'll never make a film critic will i but do get them v.funny, went out with Glo and stuart cos we had it planned for ages even tho i was shattered from nite before and had no money, had bout 3 drinks and i suddenlly thought i was Justin timberlake on the dance floor, in yet again another gay bar, got hit on really badly by a tall blonde idiot (i did go home with quite a nice neclace he gave me tho.. score) and a girl kissed me!!!!! yeah i know in a gay club and i should be prepared for that but it came from nowhere and as i'm a little homophobic well not that i have a problem with the gay community but i don't pictularly like it when a girl is licking your tonsils without warning when your not that way inclined.. left there went home, had full convo with dick who was up watching the superbowl hadn't got any idea what i said... rubbish prob well not prob deffently.. poor guy!! carried stuart up the stairs and went to bed...
Friday nite in Belfast
Its half 5 in the morning and i'm sitting in the airport bored out of my skull... am sooo tired only had 2 hours sleep, had such a great weekend tho so its all worth it.. friday night week round to daves bout 6 or so sat and watched a film but i can remember for the life of me what it was now as the whole weekend has blurred together i'll him and get back to you with that, i'm so broke so was preparing myself for a boring weekend but charlie brown sent us a message (just thinking there why is Charlie Brown always called Charlie Brown and never just Charlie, one of lifes many mysterys suppose...) to say he was out in whites with his band buddies so decided to head there for a while after we had quite a few red bull and vodka's in daves house to try and keep or spendage down when we were out.. actually tried a glass of port for the first time and was pleasantly surprised as i always linked port to bad memories of when i was sick as a kid and my da would make us take a glass of port before goin to bed and i absoulty hated it... dunno maybe suppose your taste buds develope when you get older as i had quite a few glasses of it... anyway headed out and i had £20 on me... stayed down stairs in whites for a while then went upstairs, get this aswell, was kissing some skin head balloon ( why no idea but he didn't give me much choice to be honest) then decided to go to the toliet so yer man (skinhead dude) walks me to the toliet and informs me he'll wait outside for me, i walked through the door, seen the que for the 2 toliets ( like really whites need to rethink their facilities on offer) anyway seen the que and in my vast wisdom decided that pissing my pants was possiably a better option than having to stand in this que listening to two skinny bitchs talk bout how fat they were, whatever A-holes! yeah so had literially been in there bout 6 seconds and walked back out and the skinhead i was curting 7 sec before hand was now well into some other girl at the bar, like really supppose you have to hand it to the guy he doesn't mess around does he.. so found dave and charlie at bar informed them of my rejectment which they found highly amusing... stayed there till closing time, charlies band guys had left well early bout 12 r so charlie stayed till 1 and sencibily left for home, whereas me and dave had different idea, like seriously i was thinking about this and when me dave or john or together it seems its not an option to go home at one, oooh no, sure the night is only beginning, we're only warming up...
headed to good old faithful thompsons garage for a late nite option of dirty sleazy men, well overpriced drink and a hyperactive smoke machine that probably is on full pelt to hide the fact that thompsons is really pit... couldn't get in as been shut down for a while cos they were caught serving drink after hours, well no surprise there really... ooooh and i saw a naked guy he ran right past me, it was his stag do (im sure his wife to be will be proud of him) it was so cold it looked like his gentials had went into hidin, not that i was looking obviously,, someone told me
headed from there to mynt, yes a gay club, qued for ages, well more like 20mins but it was bloody frezzing and i was surrounded by complaining gay men and really old (wanna be 20 again) women, also i could hardly stand,,,, got in and was surprised that there were more straight guys than i thought there would have been, so i set my sights on the talkest darkest one in the room, after a stare each other out competition over the bar ( why do i think think that works when im pie eyed) anyway yeah stared him to death and with a little help from dave we got it together. Well what a disaster that was when he wasn't tryin to eat my lip (seriously i thought he was goin to draw blood at times) he was asking me how beautiful were his eyes and weren't his eyelashes really long... anyway had had enough of this poncy, lip eating plonker and decided it was time to leave.. eventually found dave on a armchair he had conviently placed in the middle of the dance floor sort of area, said no to bonzo lip eater dude when he asked for my number (quite proud of myself really never really said no before... hmmm mayb im getting used to this single thing) Headed home and nothing else to add of that nite really other than we stopped for the unfortuanly regular occurance of only eat when pissed Rustlers microwave cheese burgers.... oh and the 20quid didnt go far as u'd imagine, so nite was on dave and paid him back next day... Cheers Dave!!!
headed to good old faithful thompsons garage for a late nite option of dirty sleazy men, well overpriced drink and a hyperactive smoke machine that probably is on full pelt to hide the fact that thompsons is really pit... couldn't get in as been shut down for a while cos they were caught serving drink after hours, well no surprise there really... ooooh and i saw a naked guy he ran right past me, it was his stag do (im sure his wife to be will be proud of him) it was so cold it looked like his gentials had went into hidin, not that i was looking obviously,, someone told me
headed from there to mynt, yes a gay club, qued for ages, well more like 20mins but it was bloody frezzing and i was surrounded by complaining gay men and really old (wanna be 20 again) women, also i could hardly stand,,,, got in and was surprised that there were more straight guys than i thought there would have been, so i set my sights on the talkest darkest one in the room, after a stare each other out competition over the bar ( why do i think think that works when im pie eyed) anyway yeah stared him to death and with a little help from dave we got it together. Well what a disaster that was when he wasn't tryin to eat my lip (seriously i thought he was goin to draw blood at times) he was asking me how beautiful were his eyes and weren't his eyelashes really long... anyway had had enough of this poncy, lip eating plonker and decided it was time to leave.. eventually found dave on a armchair he had conviently placed in the middle of the dance floor sort of area, said no to bonzo lip eater dude when he asked for my number (quite proud of myself really never really said no before... hmmm mayb im getting used to this single thing) Headed home and nothing else to add of that nite really other than we stopped for the unfortuanly regular occurance of only eat when pissed Rustlers microwave cheese burgers.... oh and the 20quid didnt go far as u'd imagine, so nite was on dave and paid him back next day... Cheers Dave!!!
just a quick note of thanks
thankyou to all that tried their damnest to help me in my moneyless mission to get home.. i know it was friday nite and if i was in your situation i would have had a few drinks in me too..it also was the worst weekend to pick off all time alot were working or away for the weekend but everyone was willing to make a sacrifice of some sort be it a lift home or money left somewhere for me, even tho none was set really to work out i really appreciate it.. at least you answered your phone and if not then called me back to check all was ok, least now i know who i can rely on in my hour of need... your all the best...
Bored and broke
Roll on pay day heh thats all i can say... that and where has me exciting life gone, down the tube thats where, theres nothing to do and even when there is i have no money to do it... its all gone a bit wrong this month and will prob take me about 4months to recover from the finicial mess i have made.. got so bad last week that i couldn't lift any money out of my account as i had actually useded all of my overdraft and then some... so had to borrow a tenner from a mate and i hate asking for money...
then i had a tricky situation as i was flying home to belfast and i would normally get a taxi to the airport but on a tenner this was not possible, so i had to walk to the bus stop which was 4 miles away ... i repeat to emphasise 4 miles away...... was trapzing along with suitcase in tow and laptop bag and handbad looking like a homeless washed up creature... (it was pissing it down) half way there if even, one of the wheels few off my suitcase so i now was not only looking a mess, homeless and well fecked off i was drawing attention to myself by creating this strange farting noise caused by my trailing suitcase the whole way up the road... eventually got to the bus stop and was waitin on my bus, little did i know that the bus was actually 6quid to the airport and the bus then from international in belfast to city centre was also 6 quid... now i passed my GCSE Maths like the rest of you im sure and in a tenner that just aint gonna add up...
bus eventually arrived and i sat at the front as i needed someone to complain to about my mess... filled the wee wrinkley bus driver in on the whole sorry tale, after he had kindly gasped and sympathitcly shook his head in all the right places i felt alot better... then he makes me a offer, now if you were on the ball earlier you would have realised i was exactly two quid short of covering both bus journeys, thus the bus driver cunnlingly offered me £2 from his own dear little poctet on the condition i gave him a kiss on the cheek at every red light (cos obviosly i can't cross the yellow line at the front when the bus is in motion)
being the good, well brought up, wholesome christian girl that i am, considered the options and took his £2 and prayed for green lights the whole way to the airport.. 3 red lights we hit and true to my word i gave the prune lookalike man a peck on the cheek... yeehaa so now as long as all goes to plan i can now afford to get to belfast,
so all's well that ends well, even tho had to trail along the three mile from city center to my house at 11o'clock at night cos i couldn't afford a taxi, the only reason i prob wasn't mugged prob was the fact my suitcase was making so much noise by this stage it was like a personal alarm...
the weekend was pretty crazy too have to say but i will put that installment in this evening... see ya's soon x
then i had a tricky situation as i was flying home to belfast and i would normally get a taxi to the airport but on a tenner this was not possible, so i had to walk to the bus stop which was 4 miles away ... i repeat to emphasise 4 miles away...... was trapzing along with suitcase in tow and laptop bag and handbad looking like a homeless washed up creature... (it was pissing it down) half way there if even, one of the wheels few off my suitcase so i now was not only looking a mess, homeless and well fecked off i was drawing attention to myself by creating this strange farting noise caused by my trailing suitcase the whole way up the road... eventually got to the bus stop and was waitin on my bus, little did i know that the bus was actually 6quid to the airport and the bus then from international in belfast to city centre was also 6 quid... now i passed my GCSE Maths like the rest of you im sure and in a tenner that just aint gonna add up...
bus eventually arrived and i sat at the front as i needed someone to complain to about my mess... filled the wee wrinkley bus driver in on the whole sorry tale, after he had kindly gasped and sympathitcly shook his head in all the right places i felt alot better... then he makes me a offer, now if you were on the ball earlier you would have realised i was exactly two quid short of covering both bus journeys, thus the bus driver cunnlingly offered me £2 from his own dear little poctet on the condition i gave him a kiss on the cheek at every red light (cos obviosly i can't cross the yellow line at the front when the bus is in motion)
being the good, well brought up, wholesome christian girl that i am, considered the options and took his £2 and prayed for green lights the whole way to the airport.. 3 red lights we hit and true to my word i gave the prune lookalike man a peck on the cheek... yeehaa so now as long as all goes to plan i can now afford to get to belfast,
so all's well that ends well, even tho had to trail along the three mile from city center to my house at 11o'clock at night cos i couldn't afford a taxi, the only reason i prob wasn't mugged prob was the fact my suitcase was making so much noise by this stage it was like a personal alarm...
the weekend was pretty crazy too have to say but i will put that installment in this evening... see ya's soon x
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
Bag Of Embarrassment!!!!!!!!
SOOOO.. EMBARRASSING
Right, was rushing around before flying back for one of my Christmas visits to Belfast... and can i just add a little disclaimer here... i am not a skank, spide, dirty bitch or any other descriptive word along them lines that will prob jump into your head while reading this story... I'm a normal girl that strange unfortunate things happen to, it has been written in the stars when i was born it seems that whatever can go wrong will and usually to the amusement of all my mates... in fact some have even informed me that the only reason they are friends with me is because i entertain them with my dysfunctional management of my life and make them feel better bout theirs
anyway.. this is one massive tangent from the story in hand... read on....
as i said before was rushing around packing stuff for a trip back to Belfast, i was doing a check round the room and i remembered something that was leaving me with a problem.... see thing is i have a lot of friends who smoke and wouldn't be a stranger to one myself, it is completely illegal to smoke in my flat and we can't smoke in the front yard without making sure we take the butts away with us. these (which i believe) are anally retarded rules started the creation of the mug ashtray,,, now this is where it gets disgusting, it was a mug with a little dribble of tea in the bottom that we used as an ashtray for bout a month and just kept putting the mug and its content into a sealable plastic freezer bag thing so no smell could get out of or if it fell over no liquid either and hid it random places both outside and inside depending on where it was needed...
my dilemma now was what do i do with it, the answer seems very obvious i know but here was what i was up against.. i could have threw the contents in the bin and washed the cup... well no cos my flatmate/landlady goes through the bin to sort out what needs recycled so she would have found the butts etc,, plus i had already claimed no knowledge of the missing cup which a large investigation went into when discovered missing weeks beforehand, and for it to show up just after i had left for Christmas would have been a bit suss dont you think, also i had chipped it and that would never would have went unnoticed.. i'm telling you anal aint even strong enough... anywho washing it and completely binning it was not an option... the only bin that she wouldn't riffle through was a public one but the closest one was a 5 min walk away and i was running late.. so while still weighing up possibilities, the taxi dooted outside so had to run and decided that the smartest thing to do would be to put it in my hand luggage untill i got to the airport then throw it in one of them big bins outside the main door.. great plan heh... well would have been if i had actually remembered about it...
so yes you have guessed it i paraded up to security with so much confidence, took my coat off an all and plopped it and my bag on the x-ray belt, never even beeped in the metal detector thing, was actually wondering what i was going to do with all my time as the airport transition was goin so smoothly... well... heard this big voice bellow "who's is this bag" i said mine and it all dawned on me what the problem was as they were passing the bag through the x-ray machine again and again.. i could see over the womans shoulder and not a bit of wonder they were confused cos it looked on the screen like something or someone had been sick in my bag as by this stage the mug had fallen over inside the sealed bag and the faggy watery residue was floating around inside it... i was preparing myself for the embarrassing saga that was about to follow as the security man lifted my bag opened it and was holding the bag of shame up to the light, all the explanations were flying through my head but none good enough to make me sound normal... i even contemplated making a run for it but then where too?... anyway he then opened the bag and said what's all this about.. as i was spilling rapidly out the truth of the whole thing as thought you can never go wrong with the truth he interrupted me by roaring all over the busy area.. " eugh fuck, jim come and smell this".. so my explanation was cast to the wayside as a heavy over weight security guard came over and sniffed the bag, pretended to pass out and then look at me in disgust.. they then said nothing as they sealed it again with screwed up non amused faces and were putting it back in my bag... trying to save any dignity i had left i said no " i don't need it back i meant to throw it in the bin before i got here" to which he looked at me and said "no your quite alright you can have it back we dont want it"
i quickly walked as quickly as i could from the security area and threw the bag of embarrassment in the bin round the corner, spent the rest of the time hiding out in the perfume shop afraid i would bump into anyone that was around the x-ray machine at my gut wrenching fags in bag discovery time (as quite a decent audience did gather) anyhoo, prob have given security something to talk about for a while and i just pray its different staff on security on my way through next time... Man.. why me??
Right, was rushing around before flying back for one of my Christmas visits to Belfast... and can i just add a little disclaimer here... i am not a skank, spide, dirty bitch or any other descriptive word along them lines that will prob jump into your head while reading this story... I'm a normal girl that strange unfortunate things happen to, it has been written in the stars when i was born it seems that whatever can go wrong will and usually to the amusement of all my mates... in fact some have even informed me that the only reason they are friends with me is because i entertain them with my dysfunctional management of my life and make them feel better bout theirs
anyway.. this is one massive tangent from the story in hand... read on....
as i said before was rushing around packing stuff for a trip back to Belfast, i was doing a check round the room and i remembered something that was leaving me with a problem.... see thing is i have a lot of friends who smoke and wouldn't be a stranger to one myself, it is completely illegal to smoke in my flat and we can't smoke in the front yard without making sure we take the butts away with us. these (which i believe) are anally retarded rules started the creation of the mug ashtray,,, now this is where it gets disgusting, it was a mug with a little dribble of tea in the bottom that we used as an ashtray for bout a month and just kept putting the mug and its content into a sealable plastic freezer bag thing so no smell could get out of or if it fell over no liquid either and hid it random places both outside and inside depending on where it was needed...
my dilemma now was what do i do with it, the answer seems very obvious i know but here was what i was up against.. i could have threw the contents in the bin and washed the cup... well no cos my flatmate/landlady goes through the bin to sort out what needs recycled so she would have found the butts etc,, plus i had already claimed no knowledge of the missing cup which a large investigation went into when discovered missing weeks beforehand, and for it to show up just after i had left for Christmas would have been a bit suss dont you think, also i had chipped it and that would never would have went unnoticed.. i'm telling you anal aint even strong enough... anywho washing it and completely binning it was not an option... the only bin that she wouldn't riffle through was a public one but the closest one was a 5 min walk away and i was running late.. so while still weighing up possibilities, the taxi dooted outside so had to run and decided that the smartest thing to do would be to put it in my hand luggage untill i got to the airport then throw it in one of them big bins outside the main door.. great plan heh... well would have been if i had actually remembered about it...
so yes you have guessed it i paraded up to security with so much confidence, took my coat off an all and plopped it and my bag on the x-ray belt, never even beeped in the metal detector thing, was actually wondering what i was going to do with all my time as the airport transition was goin so smoothly... well... heard this big voice bellow "who's is this bag" i said mine and it all dawned on me what the problem was as they were passing the bag through the x-ray machine again and again.. i could see over the womans shoulder and not a bit of wonder they were confused cos it looked on the screen like something or someone had been sick in my bag as by this stage the mug had fallen over inside the sealed bag and the faggy watery residue was floating around inside it... i was preparing myself for the embarrassing saga that was about to follow as the security man lifted my bag opened it and was holding the bag of shame up to the light, all the explanations were flying through my head but none good enough to make me sound normal... i even contemplated making a run for it but then where too?... anyway he then opened the bag and said what's all this about.. as i was spilling rapidly out the truth of the whole thing as thought you can never go wrong with the truth he interrupted me by roaring all over the busy area.. " eugh fuck, jim come and smell this".. so my explanation was cast to the wayside as a heavy over weight security guard came over and sniffed the bag, pretended to pass out and then look at me in disgust.. they then said nothing as they sealed it again with screwed up non amused faces and were putting it back in my bag... trying to save any dignity i had left i said no " i don't need it back i meant to throw it in the bin before i got here" to which he looked at me and said "no your quite alright you can have it back we dont want it"
i quickly walked as quickly as i could from the security area and threw the bag of embarrassment in the bin round the corner, spent the rest of the time hiding out in the perfume shop afraid i would bump into anyone that was around the x-ray machine at my gut wrenching fags in bag discovery time (as quite a decent audience did gather) anyhoo, prob have given security something to talk about for a while and i just pray its different staff on security on my way through next time... Man.. why me??
Tuesday, 16 January 2007
Very Sorry!
Right ok... I know i haven't been keeping my blogging up to date recently but i do have an excuse, well many actually..
1. my life has been hectic recently
2. even tho it's been hectic it's also been pretty uneventful as far as releasing and earth shattering news on the blog is concerned
3. I'm a lazy lump and the thought recently of having to do any more than click the mouse on a solitaire game exhausted me
4. i did believe it or not take the notion one day last week to update u all but some joker over lunch found it hilarious to change my keyboard from English letters to something resembling Chinese (didn't even know u could do that) so I'm afraid for the rest of the day my thought process was moved to the mission of what can i do to get him back..
So to all 5 of my faithful readers I'm sincerely sorry and will never do it again, I've lots to complain about and confess to from the last few weeks so watch this blog... now you can all rest easy as I'm back and typing.. yeehaa!!
1. my life has been hectic recently
2. even tho it's been hectic it's also been pretty uneventful as far as releasing and earth shattering news on the blog is concerned
3. I'm a lazy lump and the thought recently of having to do any more than click the mouse on a solitaire game exhausted me
4. i did believe it or not take the notion one day last week to update u all but some joker over lunch found it hilarious to change my keyboard from English letters to something resembling Chinese (didn't even know u could do that) so I'm afraid for the rest of the day my thought process was moved to the mission of what can i do to get him back..
So to all 5 of my faithful readers I'm sincerely sorry and will never do it again, I've lots to complain about and confess to from the last few weeks so watch this blog... now you can all rest easy as I'm back and typing.. yeehaa!!
Wednesday, 20 December 2006
Coats designed by idiots
i treated myself to a new coat last week and it's really pissing me off... nice and practical as it is- dark brown duffel style but to my horror some thicko designed the every pocket in it to only temporally keep thing in there, so far I've lost my mini makeup bag, a bar of choc and vast amounts of change... my phone and wallet have dropped out many times but luckily they were heavy and bulky enough to hear crashing to the floor (and the wallets heavy not with money alas but many many receipts)...
i know what your thinking, stop putting things in your pockets but to anyone that knows me that's impossible cos I'm always rushing about, leave my bag behind, have to get somewhere quickly and i just without fail every time chuck stuff into my pockets
it's worked perfectly fine my whole life up until this evilly tailored coat... in fact the safest place for my worldly possessions are in my coat pockets cos I'm more highly likely to lose something that's not on my person...
oh i dunno, so sorry if you have actually taken the time to read this cos it's obviously been a waste of 3mins of your life but had to vent my frustration somewhere and people just think I'm a freak (or even more of a freak) if i was come in to work complaining about pockets.. later gaters
i know what your thinking, stop putting things in your pockets but to anyone that knows me that's impossible cos I'm always rushing about, leave my bag behind, have to get somewhere quickly and i just without fail every time chuck stuff into my pockets
it's worked perfectly fine my whole life up until this evilly tailored coat... in fact the safest place for my worldly possessions are in my coat pockets cos I'm more highly likely to lose something that's not on my person...
oh i dunno, so sorry if you have actually taken the time to read this cos it's obviously been a waste of 3mins of your life but had to vent my frustration somewhere and people just think I'm a freak (or even more of a freak) if i was come in to work complaining about pockets.. later gaters
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